Negotiation 101
So many of life’s interactions are negotiations of sorts. Below I set out four stages to any negotiation, and how to navigate each of them.
1. Understand the other side’s feelings - especially their fear of loss
Negotiation isn’t about convincing others. It’s about understanding how they are feeling.
People’s ‘fear of loss’ - how they feel like they might be losing out - is usually the single biggest factor in their decision making.
Identify the other side’s fear of loss is, and then eliminate it.
Let the other side talk first. This allows them to clear their mind, which frees you up to make progress.
Call out elephants in the room. Unacknowledged feelings fester, so get them out in the open. A common elephant is the other side feeling that they have been treated unfairly.
Use mirrors and labels. Mirroring what people are saying, and labelling how it sounds like they are feeling can help triggers contemplation, build rapport and generate information. But it can also fairly be interpreted as manipulative in certain circumstances, so proceed with caution!
Pay attention to those on the sidelines. People who are not the main focus of attention are less on their guard, and give you the best sense of how the other side is feeling.
2. Be collaborative and deferential
The adversary is the situation, not the other side. So be collaborative. Shared ideas are the ones that get done.
Use ‘we’ statements.
Default to an inquisitive, playful tone of voice. This keeps people working with you.
Never take an assertive tone. If you need to land a key message, or calm a situation down, use a slow, soothing, ‘late night DJ’ voice.
Use ‘how’ or ‘what’ questions. This is much less antagonistic than asking ‘why’ questions, and gives the other side a sense of control. ‘How do we pull victory from the ashes of defeat if we don't meet this deadline?’
In any exchange, the last impression is so important. It seeds the next interaction, so it needs to be unfailingly positive and collaborative.
3. Learn how to bargain
The Ackerman technique is a good general template:
Begin at 65% of your target price. This gives you the flexibility to raise your offer (always in decreasing increments) if you need to.
Pre-empt the other side’s negative reaction to your opening offer. Apologise in advance and get their permission to make it. ‘You're not going to like the price - it's going to make you angry. I'm scared to give it to you…’
Don’t budge until they do. Then appreciate their efforts to come down.
When you raise your offer, show you are working hard. Write things down. Make them feel like you’re really trying.
When you’re at 100%, signal that you are maxed out. You can do this by offering something of non-monetary value.
4. Learn how to seal the deal
Use loss aversion. Get the other side to focus on what happens if you don't make a deal.
Reorient your questions to get a ‘no’. People tend to feel safe and protected when they say no. Conversely, they feel exposed and restricted when they say yes. As a result, ‘are you against this?’ tends to work much better than ‘Will you agree to this?’
Implementation works better when it’s their idea. The ideal ending to any negotiation is: ‘Wow that’s a great idea, let’s do that!’
Further learning:
Chris Voss on Masterclass